I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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