it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
