half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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