so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
