dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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