that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We left the knife in your bed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
