I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well you can't waste a boner
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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