I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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