I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Randomize