we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
