Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
