i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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