I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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