I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
