i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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