Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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