I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I didn't shave. On purpose
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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