I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
