I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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