I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
