im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
