This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
