She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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