i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
