Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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