I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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