i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
