Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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