a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
