That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
