I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
