the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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