Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
