I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then my night got REAL pukey
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
