The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
