she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
