Do you still have your period?
another moral hangover. fuck.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
