the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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