Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
