We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
