Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
