last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The beer is more important than you right now.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
