when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
