This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
