God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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