I CAN MOONWALK!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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