The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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