I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
