I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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