I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
