If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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