dude i'm inner monologue high
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
