Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
