So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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