Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
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Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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