so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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