i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
