do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
