Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
