Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
