if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
