i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
