how can u be prego again
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
