He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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