ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
